


i tell my love to wreck it all, cut out all the ropes and let me fall

by em_23



Series: the kids aren’t alright [6]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Panic Attacks, Post 1x9, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:20:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28629450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/em_23/pseuds/em_23
Summary: “You’re not real.” He muttered, fingernails digging into the palms of his hands as he tried to ground himself to any kind of reality, this was just another mind game that Caleb was playing on him, trying to keep him calm and sedated and unable to take his body back into his own control, “M’sorry Julie, you’re not real, you’re not here, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,”orAfter being possessed by Caleb, Nick has a panic attack.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Nick (Julie and The Phantoms), Julie Molina/Nick/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters
Series: the kids aren’t alright [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970626
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	i tell my love to wreck it all, cut out all the ropes and let me fall

Nick stretched out his hand, clenching and unclenching his fingers at the feeling of tightness, his eyes catching the movement as his hands started to shake, the last thing he needed was a panic attack. 

He got to his feet, backpack in hand and excusing himself from the classroom, made his way out the door, the white of the fluorescent straining his eyes but the emptiness of the hallway was reassuring. It was light and bright and open and there was none of the darkness that he’d been trapped in while he’d been possessed. 

A hand touched his shoulder from behind and he blinked, the bright light that had been surrounding him blinking into blackness, the sound of Caleb Covington’s voice ringing in his ears as he pulled back from the contact, flinching and recoiling from the touch, his heart loud in his ears, 

“N-no, don’t touch me.” He begged, the light returning around him and the sight of Julie in front of him, a worried expression on her face. 

“Nick…” She spoke, worry evident in her use of his name, she let her hands fall to her sides but stepped closer to him, the blond immediately taking a step away from her.

“You’re not real.” He muttered, fingernails digging into the palms of his hands as he tried to ground himself to any kind of reality, this was just another mind game that Caleb was playing on him, trying to keep him calm and sedated and unable to take his body back into his own control, “m’sorry Julie, you’re not real, you’re not here, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he repeated. 

“Nick, I’m real, I’m here.” Julie reassured him, stepping closer once again but was met with Nick’s retreat, his eyes not meeting hers as he shook his head, he couldn’t look at her, couldn’t see the disappointment and disgust on her face, hallucination, illusion or not. 

“Nick,” Julie tried again, the singer flinching at the sound of the bell filling the hallway, the doors of classrooms opening and students spilling out into the space, she glanced around at the commotion, her eyes returning to where Nick had just been to find him missing. 

* * *

“Nick,” Alex spoke, hands reaching out to touch him before they paused inches from his skin, “Nick, look at me.” His words were soft, quiet and barley there, just loud enough not to assault Nick’s senses and add to the panic he was currently in. 

The guitarist glanced up at the drummer, eyes bloodshot and red rimmed, glassy and unfixed, “m’fine.” He spoke, his voice shaky. 

“Of course you are.” Alex’s voice came again, the sound gentle and soothing, “can I touch you?”

Nick found himself shaking his head before he could even think of an answer, he didn’t want anyone to see him like this, let alone touch him. 

“That’s okay.” Alex nodded, letting his hands drop down to rest on his thighs, he glanced around them, taking in a breath of his own before his attention returned to the blond, “tell me five things you can see.” 

Nick’s eyes had been fixed on his shaking hands, wondering if he thought hard enough if the shaking would stop, but he didn’t think that he had that much control over his body. He glanced up to Alex at the request, his tongue darting out to wet his lips before he nodded, “five things?” He confirmed, staring at Alex for a few more moments before he glanced away, “water, sand?” How had he gotten to the beach, he thought, had he driven, had he walked, run even? He thought he’d been at the studio, or maybe it had been school, he couldn’t remember, why couldn’t he rem- 

“That’s two, three more.” Alex’s voice cut through his thoughts, pulling him from the trail in his head that was threatening to pull him under.

Nick blinked, glancing back down at his hands, “my hands,” He looked up at Alex who nodded encouragingly, “phone,” He continued as he looked down between them on the seat, his eyes sliding up from the ghosts knees, up his torso to his eyes, “and you.” 

“That’s great.” Alex smiled, his own fingers tapping against the fabric of his pants, “four things you can feel?” 

Nick moved his hand from lap, shifting up to his hair and feeling the long strands under his fingers, “hair,” he looked back to Alex, “pavement,” his hand moved to his pants, feeling the fabric of his jeans, “clothes.” He inhaled, was it just him or had that breath been a little easier? “Uh, the seat.” 

“That’s so good, Nick.” 

He looked back up at the affirmation, the feeling of his stomach twisting subsiding slightly, he clenched his hands into fists, holding them in place before releasing and relaxing his digits. 

“What about three things you can hear?”

Nick closed his eyes, trying to focus on anything but the sound of his heart pounding in his ears, the sound of his breathing that was coming so fast, “cars?” He opened his eyes again, looking back to the sand on the beach, “waves and you.” That one had felt easier than the last two, his chest eased again, his stomach still twisting with nausea and something else but his chest wasn’t as tight. 

“Okay, Nick.” Alex’s voice came again, the sound reassuring, pulling him from his head that was overworking and overthinking, “You’re doing great. Can you give me two things you can smell?”

Smell? Nick inhaled, the breath leaving his mind feeling clearer, less crowded, maybe he had driven here, now he could feel his keys pressing into his thigh in his pocket, “ocean,” That had been even easier than the last, maybe he could do this. “Detergent.” 

“Even better,” Alex’s reassurance grounded him further, the guitarist hanging onto every word he spoke, like he’d return to spiralling if he stopped, “one thing you can taste?” 

Nick’s tongue once more flicked out over his lips, the taste of salt strong in his mouth, from the tears that had been flowing freely down his cheeks and blurring his vision, “salt.”

“Okay,” Alex breathed between him, his hands lifting from his lap again, reaching out towards Nick before he paused and asked again, “can I touch you?” 

His response was hesitant this time, there was still a dull ache in his chest and his stomach was turning with something unknown, but his breathing was even, his mind clearer, he nodded once, worried that Alex won’t have seen the small motion of his head.

He felt a hand loosely take his own, the faint ghost (ha, ghost) of pressure not enough to heighten his senses again, to draw him back into the panic he’d been in moments earlier. 

“When was the last time you slept?” 

Nick glanced up at the words, trying to recount in his mind when he’d last managed sleep. He blinked, “Tuesday.” 

Alex exhaled, the sound loud, it was something that Nick could focus on, Alex’s breathing was calm and even and reassuring, he liked reassuring, “It’s Friday, Nick.” 

Nick shook his head, a few tears that had stuck to his eyelashes freeing at the motion, “It can’t be, I’d know if it had been that long.”

Alex’s other hand moved to embrace his second hand, the contact felt easier now, he didn’t know how the drummer had talked him down from the worst panic attack he’d had in weeks but he was thankful and regretful at the same time. “I’m real, you know?” 

Nick blinked at the words, eyes returning to Alex’s face, he nodded, turning both of his hands in the other blond’s grip and holding onto them tightly, like they were a lifeline, “I know,” He answered, looking down at their hands, “It was just Julie he used against me, just Jul-” His eyes flew to Alex’s face, stomach twisting with fear and regret instead of anxiety, the memory of recoiling from her at school fresh in his mind, “Is she… did I hurt her?” 

“She’s fine,” Alex was quick to reassure, squeezing Nick’s hands in response, “she’s at the loft, with Luke and Reggie, she’s okay. You need to sleep, Nick.” 

Nick immediately felt tired at the use of the word, maybe it really had been days, it would explain why he’d been so high strung, why he’d been so quick to regress from Julie at school, he exhaled, his shoulders slumping.

“I can take you home,” Alex ducked his head, trying to catch Nick’s reaction, “or I can take you to the loft.” 

It felt like the lesser of two evils, he couldn’t sleep alone but he didn’t want to upset his partners, they’d worked so hard to get him to where he was and a few nights of tossing and turning and unrealistic nightmares had pulled him from his relatively normal post-possession life, “the loft.” 

“Alright, up we get.” Alex helped him to his feet, “I’m going to take you, okay?”

Nick glanced around when they stood up, had it been dark the whole time they’d been talking? “My car…” He trailed off, glancing over to the parking lot where his Jeep was parked. 

“Taken care of, Reggie and Ray came and picked it up.” 

Nick blinked, looking up at Alex for a few moments before leaning in and resting against the taller blond, tears falling from his eyes again, “m’sorry, Lex.” He spoke, his breath hitching as a hand smoothed back through his hair.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, this is what family’s for.” 

They were words similar to the ones Reggie had spoken to him months earlier, words that he associated with sand in his shoes and soft smiles in the moonlight. 

“Let’s go.” Alex moved his hands from Nick’s hair to wrap tightly around the lifer, holding him in his embrace as he poofed the both of them to the studio and to the rest of their family.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from Skinny Love - Birdy.
> 
> couldn't have done this without my alex.


End file.
